Dear Congressman:

I respectfully ask that you arrange it so that my life will be free of the things that annoy me. This is necessary for my pursuit of happiness, and I would appreciate swift action on your part.

No longer allowed*:

1. FCUK, with their ugly clothes and thirteen-year-old boy sense of humor.
2. yippy rat dogs.
3. metallic shoes
4. the playing of "Piano Man" on the radio. Seriously, no more.
5. $60 t-shirts
6. people who keep talking about what a wonderful actress Scarlett Johansson is.
7. Scarlett Johansson
8. crocs (but not the slippers, because they're okay)
9. shops who keep giant stuffed snakes in their windows, and the employees who periodically move the snakes just to freak me out.
10. fax machines

I do appreciate that patent leather shoes have returned, though. Glad my taxes are being put to good use.


*In no particular order; all of these must be done away with as quickly as possible.