Jul 6, 2006

Day 1

I have heard tell of these Jews For Jesus, but have never actually seen any of them.

This morning, as I was blearily getting my train pass out of my purse, a woman started to hand me a pamphlet. I naturally refused, but then did a double-take. Did that flourescent pink pamphlet say "Jews For Jesus"? I ran back and said "Actually, I think I will take one, thank you." In reality, the pamphlet says "Jesus for Jews," but I'm guessing it's the same folks.

Now all you naysayers who crack jokes--have you ever actually read one of their pamphlets? They're very informative. I can't reproduce the helpful cartoons of Jesus speaking Hebrew, or Jesus not eating pork lo mein (this is indicated by one of those circles with a slash through--no pork lo mein for Jesus), but I can give you the general gist.

Jesus was born Jewish in Israel. Did you all know that? He never had a Christmas tree. And he never wore a cross--"the cross wore Him." Peter, James, and John were the very first Jews for Jesus, followed by Benjamin Disraeli and golfer Corey Pavin. Of course, the punchline is that "Jesus is for you (and you don't even have to be Jewish!)

For having read such a simplistic and childlike pamphlet, I'm very confused. Never mind the whole lo mein business, not to mention the Christmas tree thing (both of which receive a resounding huh?/duh!), I had been under the impression that the primary goal of Jews for Jesus is to convince other Jews that Jesus is their Savior. While somehow not straying into Christianity (most of which has by now figured out that Christianity didn't exist before Christ). But that tagline at the end totally blew that theory out of the water. If they're trying to get everyone to follow Jesus, then maybe they should skip the whole Jewish thing, because that just distracts from the message.

I'm going to have to take these Jesus Jews under my wing, sit them down and help them craft their message so we can all understand it. Disraeli was a smart guy, right? Surely there's some logic here that isn't immediately apparent.

Babylon Sisters (Shake It!), Steely Dan--not the actual name of the song, but it should have been. I'm just fixin' everybody today.

Pintel: Your'e supposed to be dead!
Jack Sparrow: Am I not?


J said...

Benjamin Disraeli wrote the single most boring book in the universe (Sybil, which is nothing like that crazy Sybil we know and love). Then he said, "An author who speaks about his own books is almost as bad as a mother who talks about her own children." I guess he got sick of answering the question, "why, Ben, why?"

Anonymous said...

One could ask the same question of the Jews for Jesus--"Why, JFJ, why?" Or, really, why not--as in, why not just go be Christians??? This is one of the most maddeningly idiotic groups out there.

bronwyn said...

Ishmael is a member of Cats for Dogs.