Apr 19, 2007

Making Everything About Me

When I was in college I knew a creepy, abusive, and probably insane guy named Ben. When I talk about this period of my life, it's simplest to say I was stalked, but that's really not it at all. It would be much more accurate to say I was an abused housewife, with all the attendant self-recrimination and hamster-on-a-wheel behavior. I have made peace with my own stupidity and spinelessness, but I don't know if I've fully recovered--or if I ever will.

People have asked me why I don't have my name on this site, since most of my readers know who I am. The answer is very simple: I don't want to make things easier. If Ben ever shrugged and thought "hey, I wonder how Cordelia's doing and maybe I'll look her up so I can hit her some more," I don't want him to be able to do a google search and show up here. You can find out a lot of things by doing a google search for me, but you can't find me and my life.

Did I ever report him? No. (Again with the spinelessness). But if Virginia Tech has told me anything, it's that it wouldn't have mattered if I did. Because of the abused housewife thing we had going on, there really was very little anyone could object to (or at least that's how it felt at the time, considering that no one who witnessed his behavior ever did). But those women did report crazy ass behavior, and it accomplished nothing and everybody still ended up dead.

I don't expect Ben to start shooting anybody, but I would not be shocked.

Do I feel nervous putting this out there? Yes. Probably even a little scared. But here we go.

Hello, Ben! What's new? Next time I run into you, I'm calling the cops.


Guy said...

May there never be a next time. If there is, though, I suggest knitting needles up the nostrils (instant lobotomy), mace, or better yet, my fists to his face (so I'd have to jump...) and knees to the balls. I'm just saying. The police are frequently useless in matters like this.

Anonymous said...

Not true Guy! There are restraining orders available, and the police WILL arrest and the government WILL prosecute. Victims often want to forgive and forget before the cases work their way through the system -- many times because they have been bullied into thinking they have to. Nowadays, in Hawaii at least, the state will continue the prosecution regardless of what the victim wants to do. So, creep -- and I have your photograph -- come near my daughter again and I'll make sure you spend time where the boys will give you all the affection you need.