I am not The Baroness

While it's true that Boy and Girl have asked whether/when Guy and I were going to get married about, oh, a thousand times in the almost-three years we've been together, I still felt nervous about telling them about the engagement.

You know, it may have been one of those things where they thought they really wanted it, but in fact it would make them howl that MOMMY AND DADDY GOT A DIVORCE AND IT'S ALL CORDELIA'S FAULT.

Or something like that.

But obviously it had to be done. We told pretty much everybody else in the world first, and then settled in at the dinner table to ask questions about how their days were and oooh, what a nice drawing of a--is that a kitty?--and oh by the way we're getting married.

That is, that was the plan. The only problem was Cordelia wouldn't sit down at the table. There were, um, dishes in the dishwasher that had to be put away right that second because yes this is very important and what about the cat doesn't she need to be fed and also the plants need to be watered.

Eventually I ran out of chores, and half-empty glass of pomegranate and vodka in hand (well, vodka and pomegranate, I suppose, ratio-speaking), I did sit down at the table. And sat quietly while Guy very matter-of-factly told them that we were getting married in August 2008.

Girl continued drawing kitties, but Boy's eyes welled up. I crooked a finger and he walked over and gave me a hug. "I'm crying tears of joy," he said, surprised at himself. And Girl looked up and was all "oh! hey, neat!" and came to get in on the hug action.

Then Boy proceeded to email everybody he knew (even though they all already knew because we'd already done that) and write some invitations (which, dude, we're totally using because a) free and b) not tacky because kids are cute and we can totally get away with it) and do some planning ("Can I come up with ideas which you can change or not use but can I just come up with them please?"). Girl started planning her own wedding, or rather the guest list, which would include The Groom, Mom, Dad, Just Her Cousin, Just Her Other Cousin, and Boy.

We finally got them to settle down by putting on The Sound of Music. Strangely enough, we were at the scene where Captain von Trapp informs his children that they're getting a new mother, and The Baroness submits to kiss after dutiful-but-haughty kiss. Boy and Girl were outraged--how dare the Captain just marry this woman without asking their permission?! Is horrible and wrong! I pointed out that their dad and I had just done exactly that.

"But we asked you guys to get married how many times!" Boy exclaimed.

True enough, from their perspective, though really not at all relevant, and so now I feel kind of sorry for the Captain. Except not really, because The Baroness? Barring that scene in the fabulous red dress, she's a real bitch.