A Christmas List

This has been a stupidly hard week.

Monday: Clean office in preparation for construction of office. Get many papercuts. Listen to people complain about how they're getting screwed and their desks are getting smaller. Tell them gently to suck it up. Refrain from pointing out that I too am getting a smaller desk and somehow managing to not have (or be) a cow. Do not sleep well.

Tuesday: Office party. First party I have planned that wasn't thrown at my house. Call restaurant at 4:00 to confirm for the eleventh time that all is well. "We'll see you at 7:30!" they say cheerily. "5:30! 5:30! Are you setting up? 5:30!" I now have a cow. I rush over to the restaurant an hour and a half early--only to discover that all is well, and I have to sit and chit chat with the only other person who for reasons unknown arrived early--the hands-down scariest person in the office, who has never managed to figure out who I am among the other peons. Others finally arrive, and party is widely hailed as best party office has ever had. Get very drunk at party. Do not sleep well.

Wednesday: Am horribly hungover. Give in and take sleeping pill.

Thursday: Am hungover from sleeping pill. Everyone in office suddenly decides that today is asshole day. Fit-pitching over desk-downsizing reaches astronomical level. My attempts at placation backfire. Try and hide, but feel very exposed and frankly just want to crawl under my desk while it's still big enough for me to fit under it and listen to the new PJ Harvey on repeat until everyone goes away. Day lasts forever, and does not improve. Watch Grey's Anatomy as closest thing to Enchanted and discover that so close is still so far. Cannot sleep, get up and take sleeping pill, which does not work.

Friday, i.e. Today: Hungover from sleeping pill which did not make me sleep. Really desperately do not want to be here, even though everyone's mood seems to have improved. Need to make a new list. Things that make me happy list.

1. Sweeney Todd got good reviews, and I shall go see it this weekend. Although that probably indicates that therefore I cannot see Enchanted, so strike this one.
2. Period is arriving, so this feeling of weepiness and nausea will pass soon enough. Although then period will be here. Strike this one as well.
3. Office closes today at 3:00.
4. Christmas is four days away, and I need to be here in this office for none of those days.
5. Christmas is four days away.
6. I really like the presents I got Guy. And he has to share them with me because I live there too.
7. We've decided not to make a turkey for the four of us at Christmas as that would be insane.
8. I love the Christmas tree in the PATH tunnel.
9. Our Christmas tree is still standing. And still green.
10. I got the Enchanted soundtrack on my iPod last night. Didn't even have to wait for Christmas.
11. I got a bigass TV and didn't even have to wait for Christmas.
12. I am comfortable with my commercialism and the fact that sometimes things DO make me happy.
13. The mexican restaurant in our neighborhood now serves Tortilla Soup.
14. The kids are happy that they're spending Christmas with us.
15. I'm happy that they're spending Christmas with us.
16. They're going to be so psyched about their presents. That'll be fun.
17. Guy takes and is going to take good care of me. I bet he'll draw me a bath if I ask him to. Although not tonight, because no bath is relaxing when the kids keep knocking on the door to see if they can come in or if I'm done yet.
18. I finished all my Christmas knitting weeks ago. This still makes me happy.
19. I bet the kids would want to go see Enchanted again on Christmas Eve. And so would Guy, because whatever everybody thinks about how he's super self-sacrificing and good to me and yeah, sure, that's all true, but the fact is he loves the movie too and won't take much persuading.
20. People love me even though I'm delusional and insane. That's nice.