Because We Haven't Talked About Bodily Functions For Days Now

So my period is a source of near-constant aggravation for me. Sure, it really only comes once a month, but there's the week before of sore nipples and weeping, plus the pain. Hello the pain.

I've tried several different brands of birth control pills. The very expensive Estrostep, with it's varying geometric pills, seemed to increase rather than solve the problems. And now my gynecologist recommended I try Seasonale.

Let me tell you, those first two months flew by--ahhh, what joy! No mood swings! No nausea! No bleeding nipples! No smell of rancid chocolate in my underwear! (For that is what my period smells like. Rancid chocolate blood.)

But then, less than halfway through the third month, I started spotting. And then I started bleeding in earnest. (Sort of. More on that in a bit). It was as though my uterus was so full of blood it simply overflowed. Although, if I understand these things correctly, birth control pills are supposed to make my body think it is already pregnant. So what is this? The world's most drawn out miscarriage?

For it is incredibly drawn out. Three weeks later, I still bleed. Sometimes. Really, only when I decide "hey, this pad's been clean for the whole day, maybe it's stopped finally, I think I'll take it off, whew!" That, of course, is when I start leaking like a sieve. And am reduced to stuffing my underwear with toilet paper. Scratchy toilet paper. Because I'm at work. Of course.

In reality, I suppose it's working out about the same, three months, three weeks of period. (Although, this is looking like it's going to work out to be four-five weeks, so maybe I'll have to retract that statement). But the cramping is less, I haven't cried not even once (AND I watched The English Patient, so honestly) and I have no unbearable cravings for steak and red wine.

Plus, I'm afraid to go back to my gynecologist. She's super nice (if a little scarily anti-male--she has a "Boys Suck" poster on the wall in her office) and straightforward, but her staff only speak Chinese. Which makes making an appointment a little challenging.