He really ought to have known better

I am not a morning person. I wake up later than everyone else in my house, and for the first hour after I get up, I am not really aware of what's going on around me. Guy once had an idea of a gift for me--he would fly my sister out, pick her up at the airport, and have her sitting at the table eating breakfast when I came upstairs.

The problem was that I would come upstairs and a) not understand how this person came to be sitting at my table, and b) not understand who she was. He decided this was a bad idea.

Not a morning person.

So (knowing all this) Guy requested that, for Father's Day, I get up early and make him breakfast--and not just any breakfast. Coffee cake. Which would be served with coffee. Which meant there would be no coffee beforehand.

He came and woke me up, and I pulled down the coffee cake recipe and gathered the children and began oiling pans and measuring flour and cinnamon and crushing walnuts. Girl got bored quickly, thereby insuring that Boy would remain interested. They never want to do the same things. It took forever, because Boy is THE MOST CAUTIOUS MEASURER EVER HE EVEN SCRAPES THE TOP OF A 1/4 TEASPOON WITH A KNIFE OH MY GOD, but we eventually got the damn thing in the oven. And then discovered that it would need 45 minutes to bake.

So we went to play The Game of Life: Spongebob. They wouldn't let me be Patrick. After 45 minutes of ruining Squidward's life, I went to take the cake out of the oven. Only it was still entirely liquid. And getting very tall. "A few minutes more!" I called.

Rinse, repeat. Guy became very annoyed with me, and pointed out that I had used the wrong size pan. I suggested that he should have more of a sense of humor, and he shouted at me: "how much of a sense of humor do you have when you're starving?" I told him to leave me alone and started crying.

Two hours after I got up, we ate. The coffee cake was very moist. The coffee itself was very reviving. We sent the kids to their mother's ("Happy Father's Day, Daddy! Bye!") and read the paper, and I almost understood what I was reading.