Apr 5, 2007

A Slew of Boyfriend Questions

But first off, a picture of my shoes. Because dude, these are beautiful shoes.

I want to marry them.

Dear Cordelia:

My boyfriend has a poster of his ex-girlfriend hanging in his room. Should I break up with him?

Cordelia Says:

Well, no. Don't panic. Which of us hasn't come across a picture of the ex-girlfriend, and had to resist shouting "Why do you have this?!? Didn't you burn everything of hers? Why not?!"

Although, I have to say--a poster? That's not exactly like an old photograph you find in a book or something. Posters are big. And prominent. Is it, like, really artistic or something, and so it's just up there for interior decorating purposes?

But either way, you get to ask. Anybody who has a poster of his ex-girlfriend up is begging to be asked about it. You can even go so far as to say "You know, this giant picture makes me think you might still have a thing for your ex--is that true?" And see what he says. And then maybe break up with him, because a poster is fucking excessive.

Dear Cordelia:

What if you just started going out with a new guy, and he constantly mentions his ex-girlfriend. Not in a bad way, but just brings her up a lot. Do you wait to get screwed over, or walk away immediately?

Cordelia says:

Well. This is similar to the poster thing. If it were the same guy, I would say run away immediately. But again, this merits further investigation. It certainly is possible that he will go back to his ex, but by no means guaranteed.

I have a friend who constantly talks about her life with her ex, even though she is now happy with someone else. I'm not sure why she does it, but she does and I don't think it means anything.

On the other hand, hearing about the ex--even, as you say, in a perfectly casual, non-nostalgic way--has got to be irritating, and certainly merits concern. If you ask, I'm sure he'll shrug it off--nobody wants to admit to their current girlfriend that they're still hung up on their ex. I'd advise you to watch closely: is it really non-nostalgic? If not, or if you don't care enough about the guy to wait and see, yes, you should walk away. Otherwise, thicken up your skin and tell him to knock it off.

Dear Cordelia:

What if you've been seeing a guy for a while, six months or so. But the whole time, you've never made it official. People ask you if you're together, and you want to say yes, but technically, you're not. Do you wait for this guy to finally take some initiative, or hit him with an ultimatum?

Cordelia says:

Um. Six months? I'd say you've definitely done enough waiting.

Now, some clueless guys don't realize that they have to say "So we're a couple now, that's cool with you, right?" Which may be all it is. However, if in six months you've never heard him casually introduce you as his girlfriend, or say he's meeting his girlfriend, or "hey, I need to go buy a Valentine's Day present for my girlfriend," then I'm sorry to say that the answer may not be the one you're looking for.

But don't ultimatum. Have the conversation, and if he says "blah blah don't want to put any labels on this blah blah"--or worse, "well, I'm seeing all these other people, so I couldn't really call you my girlfriend," which happened to me--then you decide. Do you want things to move forward with this guy, or are you happy enough with the status quo?

1 comment:

Boy and Girl's mom said...

Those shoes are truly fab! I may have to resist the urge to pet them when i see you.

BTW, congrats on the new gig. Wonderful news indeed!