Woops

So last night Guy said "Sorry, but I didn't get you any sexy underwear this year." I laughed because really what's the point? I never wear any of it anyway. It's too much of a production. Either you have to stop the sexual momentum and go change "into something less comfortable" and really you could just get naked instead, or you're just kind of wearing it on the off chance that maybe you will have sex, but in the meantime you're sitting there feeling kind of uncomfortable. Not to mention cold.

But for whatever reason I woke up this morning feeling like maybe we've been missing out on something. The fact that there are nearly as many Victoria's Secrets as Starbucks would seem to indicate that other people think there's something to this sexy underwear business. So I dug around at the back of my pajama drawer, past all the flannel pants and henleys, and pulled out this pair of black lacy panties, with a bow on the back. It's a very large bow--like my butt's a present, but sexy, okay? I tucked the bow down my pants and into my left leg, and it was a little lumpy but not really so's you'd notice. Good to go.

Of course, every time I went to the bathroom today, I had to remember to tuck the bow back down. And I swear--I SWEAR to you--I remembered to tuck every single time. And yet, when I sat down just now after rushing around bending over filing cabinets searching for that missing proposal, I felt a very large bow sticking up out of my pants. Bet my boss thought that was sexy.