Sep 20, 2006

Woman vs. Man

I'm at that point where my insides try to squeeze themselves together, as though their goal in life is to make me look like an Auschwitz victim, but in reality I just look puffy. (Which is odd, isn't it.)

Some woman in Esquire compared her monthly cramps to being kicked in the balls repeatedly. Which certainly gives a nice image to all previously unsympathetic males, but I'm not sure it's entirely accurate. I feel more like a wrung-out dishtowel. Or something stuck under that rolling, grinding thing in Indiana Jones Temple of Doom--you know, in the mines, when the big scary slave driver dude got killed.

But on the subject of kicking someone in the balls, all I have to say is ow. I don't think this compares. It hurts, yeah--A LOT--but I can still go to work even if all I want to do is play Solitaire while I'm there. In the movies, guys are rolling around on the ground. I'm guessing they wouldn't be up for Solitaire.

So while we women complain a lot--childbirth, period, high heels, catcalls--we don't really have any such tender organ that if punched would completely incapacitate us.

....Or do we? Recently, I was complaining about a woman who nearly clotheslined me while I was walking up the escalator, and Guy said "You shoulda punched her in the boob." I laughed, because it sounded ridiculous, but then I thought about it for a minute.

Um, ow. That would really hurt. All those milk ducts or whatever don't respond too well to too much pressure. Think about your GYN giving you a breast exam. Then think about her punching your breasts. See? Ow.

I can't begin to speculate on whether this would compare, since I've never actually known anyone who's been breast-punched. But I think this would go a long way to furthering understanding between the sexes.

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