What makes a crazy fan?

When talking about the unabomber, Thomas Pynchon came up in conversation last night.

Cordelia: We should netflix Good Will Hunting. I love that bit where Robin Williams schools Stellan Skarsgard. You know, where he lists this cool mathematician's resume, and Stellan's never heard of him, and then he asks the bartender "Hey Bill, who was Ted Kaczynski?" "Unabomber." And Stellan looks all sheepish.

Guy: You know, I thought Thomas Pynchon was the unabomber. And the funny thing is, I wasn't alone, either.

Cordelia: I bet they were all crazy fans, too. It's always the crazy fans that think he's capable of and responsible for everything.

Guy: Hey, he's got a new book coming out!

Cordelia: Yeah, another one for you to have several copies of. You having multiple copies of things is why we have no room on our bookshelves. Did you see the amazon thing?

Guy: Yeah, it sounds awesome!!

Cordelia: Wait, you don't think he actually wrote it? God, you're one of those crazy Thomas Pynchon people! Did you go talk about it in chatty rooms?

Guy: (defensively) No! And of course he wrote it, it's exactly the kind of thing he'd do.

Cordelia: Why, because he'd never do it?

Guy: Exactly!

Cordelia: Why on earth would Penguin deny it was him?

Guy: Controversy sells, it's Publicity 101.

(Let us not forget: Guy went to Wesleyan).

Cordelia: He doesn't need publicity, nobody's going to suddenly be like "I've always meant to read this Thomas Pynchon guy, I'll start with this instead of, say, Gravity's Rainbow."

Guy: You know, I've never actually read that one.

Cordelia: (shrieking) What??? How can you be a crazy fan and not have read Gravity's Rainbow?

Guy: You haven't read it.

Cordelia: I don't like Thomas Pinch-on. You, on the other hand, think he posts descriptions on Amazon and then insists they be taken down immediately and categorically denied like Jesus. Do you not see the contradiction here?

Guy: Hey, I was on tour. You try reading a book like that in a van with five loud guys. I've read Mason & Dixon. I have unpublished stories. I got them in London.

Cordelia: Wow, you went to a bookstore in the UK. You still haven't read your favorite author's biggest book.

Guy: I have multiple copies of it. I was busy--I had kids, I had work to do. I was on tour!

Cordelia: That was eleven years ago! You mean to tell me you haven't read a single book in the past eleven years?

Guy: Um. . .no.

Cordelia: I gotta post about this. It's too weird. I thought you were a fan.

Guy: I am a fan!

Cordelia: Yeah, a crazy fan who's never read Gravity's Rainbow! You're a freak of nature!

Guy: Just refer to me as a casual crazy, okay?

Cordelia: No way, pal.

Guy: I've gotta get you drunk so you forget all of this.

Cordelia: I gotta take notes.