What I think about when my iPod is out of juice

What to do if you think you're being followed:

1. DON'T turn around and check. That will only encourage them, and chances are you wouldn't see anyone anyway and then you'd be walking along feeling all safe when you really are being followed.
2. If it's a really hot day, drink often from an ice cold bottle of water. Chances are they don't have one and it'll make them crazy with jealousy. Conversely, if it's a really rainy day, walk slowly and splash in the puddles with your cute rubber boots, while knowing all along that they don't have cute rubber boots and so are wet and miserable.
3. Meander. You don't want them to actually follow you home, so just wander around town, darting quickly in and out of stores so that they keep having to duck behind a pole or something to avoid being seen.
4. In case they have one of those eavesdropping things that allows them to listen to whatever you're listening to*, skip over all the songs that come up that you like, and sing tunelessly along with whatever you would normally skip over. This will confuse them.
5. If you do need to get home at some point, go ahead and get on the train, but stare balefully at anyone who makes eye contact with you. This will shame and/or scare whoever is following you, or whoever was thinking about maybe following you.


*may not actually exist