A Non-Kitten-Related Post: How To Spot a Model

I'm sure we all have our methods. . .I could spot retired models in midtown, on the arms of well-dressed older men. They were classic models--tall, shiny-haired, spike-heeled, and vacant expressioned.

Down here, it's a little more challenging. . .the vacant expression remains, but then this is Soho. Vacant expressions are as ubiquitous an accessory as metallic shoes or a large handbag. It's just not enough to go on.

Luckily, every morning, I share an elevator with The Marc Jacobs Girls. There's a Marc Jacobs something in my building--it's not a store, I don't think it's a design studio, it's just. . .a place where The Marc Jacobs Girls go. In any case, its presence gives me ample opportunity to observe and record the Soho model. This morning, for example, one of them stood outside the elevator, but chose not to get in because it was too crowded.

Ahah, you ask. How do you know she was a Marc Jacobs Girl if you don't even know what floor she would get off on?

Because she fit the checklist, my friend.

1. Is she wearing something that clashes in a completely inappropriate way, i.e. a brocade dress with an old sweatshirt tied around the shoulders? Check.
2. Does she slouch? Check.
3. Does she have an iPod, large dark glasses, and a phone in the middle of sending a text message? Check.
4, and most important. Is her hair carefully coiffed in a messy and bizarre fashion, i.e. a frizzy side of the head ponytail? Check.

I'm sure this checklist will be modified and extended with further study.