Apr 21, 2006

Ahh, Clive. . .

I almost didn't go see Inside Man. Even though it had Clive Owen AND Jodie Foster AND Denzel Wasington AND Chiwetel Ejiofor (someone please tell me how to pronounce his name) AND a ton of other people I love, I had come this close to LOSING MY FAITH IN CLIVE.

I know, it's hard to believe. My fellow Clive Owen lovers, I can hear you now: "Badass, deadpan, violently honorable Clive--how could you say such a thing?"

Yeah, but see, none of you were stupid enough to go see Derailed. That aptly-named film was Clive's attempt at branching out a little--up to that point, I think Greenfingers' gardening ex-con was the most docile character he'd played.

But Clive. Honey. Much as I appreciate and admire your acting ability, you can't play a weak man. It's genuinely impossible. Derailed was a stupid movie for many reasons, but the most glaring reason was that here is this strong, smart, badass guy--who is being pushed around by an annoying little French creep? Give me a break.

The Headmaster Ritual, The Smiths

Dalton Russell: Money isn't everything.
Det. Frazier: Well, thank you bankrobber.
(Inside Man)

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